You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
