and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
