so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
