drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
