Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sext me about skeletons
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
