I am puke
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
