Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
