I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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