He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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