What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
