Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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