Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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