you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
