this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize