hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
