R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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