You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
