wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your penis caused this!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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