Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made him laugh his dick is mine
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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