You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
birth control should be required to get into college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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