I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
