WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my poor anus
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
