on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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