were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
