I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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