Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
