We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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