y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty