I accidentally had phone sex last night
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas