Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1382) Bad night (2091)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv

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  (801): My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv http://tfl.nu/1bcq
  Replies (39) Good night (1526) Bad night (4539)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry

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  (734): He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry http://tfl.nu/nl2p
  Replies (23) Good night (1603) Bad night (7367)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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  (845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y
  Replies (10) Good night (5948) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (2129) Bad night (6964)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (43) Good night (3361) Bad night (6890)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.

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  (708): You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx. http://tfl.nu/t703
  Replies (21) Good night (3573) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
  Replies (22) Good night (3595) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

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  (443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9
  Replies (21) Good night (3806) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?

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  (574): should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band? (1-574): meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis? http://tfl.nu/hzbs
  Replies (8) Good night (2109) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...

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  (203): he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first... http://tfl.nu/kho5
  Replies (3) Good night (1724) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Touche salesman.

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  (402): You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less. (1-402): Touche salesman. http://tfl.nu/st32
  Replies (2) Good night (1205) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.

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  (678): Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/6dhe
  Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.

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  (661): Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre. http://tfl.nu/eizk
  Replies (4) Good night (803) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.

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  (306): I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic. http://tfl.nu/bsgj
  Replies (4) Good night (254) Bad night (500)

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