Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.