Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
