I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant