Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.