my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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