You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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