how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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