she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
