she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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