i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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