you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
