Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
