im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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