I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
