Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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