I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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