Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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