Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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