id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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