i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
