i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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