i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
