Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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