Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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