My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
