Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
