I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
