ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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