all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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