She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
