He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
