Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
