I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
