new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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