he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
