Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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