You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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