Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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