Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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