I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
