Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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