You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
