The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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