Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
